I disapprove of childcare at church

I almost lost my cool when a man sitting 1 pew behind TOUCHED me to say that childcare was available - just because my 9 month old was babbling a little during service.

Courtesy of Gennadij

CHILDCARE. More and more churches are including them in their ministry - the larger the church, the more likely they are to exist these days.  While I agree that it might be good for infants to be temporarily taken out from the sanctuary when they become overly distracting, I don't think taking them to a childcare room for the whole service is helpful in the long run. 

1.  If your child never sits with grown ups, how will they ever learn to behave as one?

           They attend school most of the week with tons of peer pressure & very few adult role models. We then like to allow kids as old as preteens and such to go off to "Children's" or "Youth Church" while we fellowship during the weekend (This is not to be confused with a breakout session for kids during Sunday School, where everyone afterwards congregates together for the main Word).  When are they actually seeing how you, their parent is behaving?  When are you taking the time to show them how to be an adult? Do you really think they are listening when you "instruct" them?  No, they are more interested in watching behaviors- as most humans learn by experience or my mimicking. Stay-at-home-moms may see this clearly when their perfectly behaved child goes off to school for the first year, and comes back like a totally different child; complete with new unattractive learned behaviors.  If all they are around are other children, they will never learn to behave as an adult.  You need that balance - time spent with children and with adults, so they can learn to reason when to use certain behaviors, and when its inappropriate.  Church is a great way to begin that. Take a quiet toy/tablet for your child if they are super young and need to have their attention caught.  Just show them the importance of being quiet in certain settings, and that you love them enough to keep them by your side as much as possible; which brings me to the next point.

Courtesy Of Honey Onshawee

2. It's YOUR responsibility to rear this child.  Having them in daycare during the week while you work is an evil most working-class parents simply cannot avoid.  But having them there while you praise God is totally avoidable! People have asked me how my son is so behaved during the adult church services and at the movies (See my post on how my son has been movie-going without disturbing others since he was a couple months old), and I answer that it's learned behavior.  According to Galations 5:22, two of the fruits of the spirit is longsuffering and faith. I utilized the patience it needed to guide his behavior through the Screeching phase. It wasn't easy, and even my husband had doubt, but my faith saw us through.   We as parents talk about how smart our babies are, but then stifle their abilities by underestimating them.  My son as an infant may not have understood the words I was using , but he fully understood the tone.  I regularly spoke to him with joy and gentleness when he displayed good behavior, and used a more stern tone when his behavior went south.  He sensed something was different with me - because instead of always handing him off to someone else, HE'D BEEN AROUND ME LONG ENOUGH TO DISCERN MY MOODS. 

        Don't get me wrong, I'd never yell at an infant.. so I kept the same volume, but only changed the seriousness of my tone.  You know your child notices, because they stop temporarily to look at you after your tone changes.  They scan your face to interpret what's going on. Most try the disruptive behavior again shortly after... That's when you reinforce your serious tone again (and facial expression) to show them you're disappointed.  When your child is with you long enough to desire love, respect, and affection from you, you'd be surprised what they do to earn it.  Even at an infant age.    

Don't worry about those families that may judge you for starting the process of integration earlier than they'd do it. Those are the ones, like the man touching me at my church, that are ADULTS TALKING while the pastor is giving the message - which can be even more distracting.  Most speakers know that babies may coo or babble; and the good ones don't allow it to disturb their train of thought.  You'll find that you can share more "family" time with your child, if you trust in God to give you the perseverance, love, and faith needed to begin the journey of teaching your child about God, and the patience that it may require to trust in Him.

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6 Things not to forget in preparation for baby

We all know to have clothing and other essentials ready early for the arrival of our babies, but here is a highlight of a few that most parents (I'm guilty as well) forget to do as part of the preparation process.

1. Remind your out-of-town family to pack a "hospital bag" too.  Okay, although it's not quite a hospital bag, it's still a bag they should pack if they plan to stay and enjoy new baby and parents for a few days. It's good to have this bag readily accessible so that they can just pick up and go if the baby decides to comes out of the schedule.  Chances are, they just may. The BBC reported that there is only a 4% chance for the baby coming on the due date.  They are more likely not to come on the due date if it's the first baby for the mom.  I and my family got caught off guard a many times before - finding out a loved one is going into labor and we have nothing packed.  It can slow your travel plans down by hours or even a whole day, and greatly increases the chances of you forgetting something. Avoid all that and tell your family to get their bag(s) ready.
2.  Arrange for an emergency pet sitter. You never know when the baby is coming, so knowing that you already have arrangements for the other member(s) of your house gives an added peace of mind.
3. Sleep.  This seems automatic, but you'd be surprised how many people don't try to get adequate sleep before the baby arrives.  The excitement and planning of it all can be overwhelming, but you cannot forget to take care of yourself first. You'll get very little sleep once your LO arrives and it's easier to deal with post-baby sleep deprivation if you've made great efforts to get the appropriate amount of sleep in the time leading up to the birth
4. Install your car seat and set up your crib.  If you're not good at doing this, purchase your crib from a company that offers free set up on site, or have someone you know either help you or do it for you. I had a bassinet for my son during the phase I worried about SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome), but moved him to the crib in his own room because I was not interested in being a co-sleeper for years to come. I was happy that the crib was up and ready, because my husband had encountered missing parts during their set-up process that they needed to go and find. Had they waited until after the baby was there, it could've prolonged the wait for weeks. The car seat was much easier to install, as we used the Keyfit30; but my husband had this already setup so that all we needed to do was walk out of the hospital and go.  It decreased the number of things for us to worry about and should be something you should think about doing as well.
5. Discuss with your spouse/partner the important decisions you'll have to make. At the hospital, the doctors will give you options on whether to administer certain medicines or preventative shots. Research and/or ask your medical providers beforehand the purpose for, and side effects of each of them so that you can make the best decision for your family without hastily making a last-minute decision.
6. Make primary and secondary plans for feeding. By the third trimester, most of us have settled upon a primary decision, and then we just make plans for that.  But we can forget that situations can arise that  don't allow for us to continue down that original path. While planning is very beneficial, and is recommended, we will not have total control over every aspect, as I wrote in my previous post. This is where the alternative plan comes in handy.  I'd previously made the plan to breastfeed and I drank teas and made other preparations to ensure my milk came in, but when I had to have an emergency C-section, my milk just didn't come in enough to satisfy my son, so we were then presented with the question from hospital staff, "What type of formula is your preference?"  Because I remembered what formula my mother used for us when we were babies, I simply decided upon that brand, but if you aren't familiar with a brand, then the hospital will give your baby what they themselves decide- which may or may not be to your liking. Avoid that by having an alternative available, and maybe even having it in the hospital bad just in case they don't carry it.  I knew that since I had sensitive skin, and my husband had a sensitive stomach, I might have needed to have something formulated for sensitive tummies ready just in case my son couldn't take the original version the hospitals provide. It came in handy when we found that indeed he did.  
   
   The breast pump is another area where moms can prepare for.  Start learning how to setup your pump and learning how to properly use it before the birth.  Lactation specialists come around to the hospital rooms after your child's birth, but they can be sought before the birth to help with breast pump usage.  The last thing you want to do is to add pain to already painful breasts with improper pump usage.  You may have to wait weeks to secure an appointment with a professional, so it definitely helps to seek that appointment before you need it so that you don't have the urgency of the need to feed, or the pain of already improperly feeding/pumping, and then having to un-learn bad habits.

Having a plan doesn't mean things will go as planned, but having an alternative provides a better scenario for you and your partner should things present themselves as atypical.  Making sure you take care of yourself is one of the biggest lessons I've learned as a mom.  You cannot take care of your baby sufficiently if you are not well yourself.  Get your sleep, get your nutrition, and make prepare yourself where you can.

*Visit us for our next post on Walt Disney World with a Toddler****

Child Care: When to remove your child

Everyone has had the question of whether or not the daycare your child attends is right.  Here are some signs of when to end your provider's services

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1. Your child is being bullied.
1. Note that even toddlers are capable of bullying if they live in an environment that fosters it.  If you make a unscheduled visit to the provider while your child is there and you notice some disturbing behaviors: multiple children yelling and spitting into your child's face, while repeatedly stomping on his/her feet, then that is something you want to bring up to the administration.  Pushing and shoving that isn't enjoyed by both parties should also be shared with an administrator.  I've seen where a child is being violently pushed until he falls, and then straddled while the attacker starts punching him….. 2yr olds!!!!
2. When you’ve informed the provider/center administration of what's happening, and nothing is done, this is time to leave.  You don't want this affecting your child's growth or personality.  Some of the bullied kids become forever victims, and some take on the bullying behaviors and become a bully themselves.   Report the incidents and lack of the action to whatever governing body you have in your state (state child and family services, etc.) as per their guidelines. 
2. Your child is being neglected 

1. Provide the facility with different diapers than what you drop your child off wearing (I gave 4 Pull-Ups brand diapers to the daycare, and dropped him off wearing Huggies Little Movers). I repeatedly noticed that when I returned 10-11 hours later, he was wearing that same Huggies Little Movers diaper he was dropped off with.  The diaper was soaked each time.  If you see this, then you can bet that they have left your child neglected for the duration of his time there.  Inform the administration in this case and monitor their action.  Some of the unprofessional centers may deny wrongdoing and may insist that they changed your child.  If you have a special mark written on the outside of the morning drop-off diaper, then you'll know that indeed your child wasn't changed when you come back to see that same marked diaper on your child.  Changing a diaper is not difficult, so if the facility is failing to do this regularly, what else are they failing to do?

3. Your child is being abused by certain teachers

1. Learn to understand the difference between whether or not your child is just complaining about being dropped off or genuinely scared to death.  Once you see
   
   your child is truly scared, pinpoint the issue, report and get out of there.  

4. Your child has scars and scrapes and/or bite marks on their body, but no incident reports have been filed
1. When you pick up your child, make it a priority to check them out.  If you notice something unusual, ask the provider.  If they don't know and say they had a shift change, ask to see the incident report.  If there has not been one filed every time you see a new injury, that is a RED FLAG. Get your child out of there and report the provider. You don't want another child to experience a serious injury and nothing be done about it.
5. The child care provider acts like they are your child's parents.

1. While I understand there are parents that improperly think they are the child care provider's employer, a lot of providers think they have more authority in making decision for your child.  If you seem to have a never-ending battle with a provider/administrator on whether or not they should have dairy; that's a problem. Even more so if they decide to give your child pork when you specifically requested in writing for them not to do so for religious reasons.

6. There is no academic curriculum and you want more than just a babysitter
1. If your child is there for an extended period of time, you may want to know that your child is in an environment that conducive to learning.   If so, and your provider is unwilling or unable to provide this, it's time to roll out.  No hard feelings.  But you're looking for a different experience. Write a letter if you'd like gently letting them know, but also that you appreciate their services rendered. 

Ultimately, it's always your choice on when to leave or not, and you don't want to leave for just any silly reason.  But you don't want to ignore signs that your child should be somewhere better suited to your caregiving needs.